I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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