I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
