I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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