I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
