Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
did i just pee glitter
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
