Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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