i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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