exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
