I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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