I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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