I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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