If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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