I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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