I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
