You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
