Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
