the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
there was a trapeze. enough said
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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