I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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