we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
