I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
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its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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