she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
no, he came in my armpit
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
