im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
