i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
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His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
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First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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