we have officially lost it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
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