Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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