a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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