i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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