respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
