if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
