I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
