woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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