Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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