dude i'm inner monologue high
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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