dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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