i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Bring me that man meat
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
