They should really pass out barf bags in church
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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