Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
