so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i think my mom watched the whole time
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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