i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
