It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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