he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
