Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
