I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Still dying that you shit outside
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
