her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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