god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
