I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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