I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
