Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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