So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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