i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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