Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
