I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
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Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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