Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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