I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
