I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
