Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
