Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
