You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
