Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
