I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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