11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
