it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
