Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
