sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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