I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
