dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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