Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
