The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
