last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
