Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
