Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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