if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
