He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
