she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
