forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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