Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
