Betty ford says i'm here all night
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
