i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
