Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
