Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
