worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
