The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
