we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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