he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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