We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
