i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
