i need an iv and a liver transplant
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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