I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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