i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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