Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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